The Starving Artist and the Chimp (Part IV)

Libretto for an Opera

Act IV

Sheisty is at a desk in the middle of the stage. The chimp is on a platform to Sheisty’s left. Francais enters stage left.

Francais

I started a new job the very next day
As an editor at a book company
Once my assistant had showed me around
I looked at what some writers sent for me

It’s called the slush pile and I dug right in
One manuscript quickly caught my eye
It was wrinkled and marked with stains of wine
That was very strange; I wondered why

It seemed to be written as if the author
Were held somewhere against his will
An angry rant by a hungry captive
It was typed, I thought, by someone on pills

This is quite crazy I said to myself
It reminded me of the lost notebook
So I went back to the Craigslist forum
To see what was there, to have a quick look

Sheisty was writing about a chimp
Could his tale lead me to identify
The person whose notebook I found in the park?
So I read his text with an inquisitive eye …

Sheisty:

I have rented this house on the beach
It’s cheap, so on booze I don’t have to scrimp
I can write all day, enjoying life
If I can just put up with the owner’s chimp

/If I can just put up with the owner’s chimp
|
|The Chimp
|
\… And I am one hungry, noisy chimp

Yes, I am one hungry, noisy chimp
And I want some food and I want it now
Bring me a sandwich, make it baloney
I’m hungry dude, come here with the chow!

/I’m hungry dude, bring the chow now
|
|Sheisty
|
\… He’s hungry and he wants his chow now

I could get used to this good life
But that chimp makes too much racket
You think he’d be happy when I bring him food
But he makes me a target for his chimp-shit!

/Yes, he makes me a target for his chimp-shit
|
|The Chimp
|
\… Downstairs he is typing away

He spends his day typing away
I’m hungry, I’m hungry, what more can I say?
Sorry, it’s just that I’m built this way
I’m hungry, I’m hungry, all through the day!

/I’m hungry, I’m hungry, all through the day!
|
|Sheisty:
|
\… He’s driving my crazy, that’s all I can say

I took him to the beach to help me pick up chicks
But he made obscene gestures; really sick
Even when I told him I’d make a sandwich thick
When we got back home … what a chimp-prick!

/A sandwich thick … what a chimp-prick!
|
|The Chimp
|
\… I know one thing and I know it well

One thing I know and I know it well
I’m hungry, I’m hungry, bring me a treat
But he just types away all of the day
And whenever he wants to, he can eat!

/Whenever he wants to, he can eat!
|
|Sheisty
|
\… I have a deadline, he jumps around

He jumped so much a vase shook off the shelf
Fell on the keyboard, broke the space bar
This is a disaster, it means I can’t finish
The novel that would pay for a nice new car!

/The book that would pay for a nice new car
|
|The Chimp
|
\… He can have food, but he wants a new car!

When he wants food he can open the fridge
And help himself to some wine or bread!
I can knock this guy out and switch places with him
I’ve got this plan in my little chimp head

Sheisty stomps up the steps to the chimp’s platform

/Yes, I’ve got this plan in my little chimp head
|
|Sheisty
|
\… That’s it, I’ve had it, you broke my space bar

I’ve had it now, you broke my space bar
You’ll have to pay for what you’ve done
We’re gonna box and when I connect
You’ll see stars, it will not be fun

Sheisty and the chimp circle the platform, rolling their fists at each other, ready to fight.

/You’ll see stars it will not be fun
|
|The Chimp
|
\… Lights out for you, I’ll lock you in the room

The chimp punches Sheisty, he falls to the ground. The chimp goes downstairs, takes some grapes and a bottle from the fridge and starts to read Sheisty’s manuscript.

Lights out for you, you’re locked in my room
Where you kept me while you worked on your book
First, a stop at the fridge and then I’ll read
What you’ve been writing – here, let’s have a look

The chimp studies the manuscript, eating and drinking. Then he sits down at the table and starts typing. Stage lights dim, then return. Sheisty awakens, realizes he’s been locked in the room and pounds on the door.

Sheisty

Where is that chimp? Where did he go?
Now I’m locked in here. Where is that ape?
I can’t jump from the window, it’s too far down
I can hear him! He’s eating my grapes!

/I can hear him! He’s eating my grapes!
|
|The Chimp
|
\… I’m eating his grapes and they taste so good

Yes, I’m eating his grapes and they taste so good
With salami, Jack Daniels and I’m thinking
I am down here with the food that I love
He is up there where the shit is stinking

The chimp climbs the stairs to the room and confronts Sheisty.

/He is up here where the shit is stinking
|
|Sheisty
|
\Here he comes now! I’ll teach him a lesson

Here you come now, I’ll teach you a lesson
I’m a human and you’re a chimpanzee
That means I’m smart and you’re a dumb beast
Now for a rematch! We’ll see what we’ll see

Sheisty and the chimp circle each other, preparing for another boxing match.

Sheisty and the Chimp:

Now for a rematch, we’ll see what we’ll see!

Sheisty runs from the room and slams the door behind him.

Sheisty

I’ll never let him leave that room again
He can die in there for all that I care
Now back to work on my novel I go
I had written up to the chapter where …

He pours himself a glass of wine and read from his manuscript.

Wait, there’s another chapter here
I thought I’d stopped at page ninety-nine
And it seems to be written in my own style
Could it be that the chimp wrote this while …

/Could it be that the chimp has written this while …?
|
|The Chimp
|
\… He was blacked out, so I had a go

While he was blacked out, I gave it a go
He thinks he’s smart and he thinks I’m dumb
But truth is hard and illusion is easy
Who does he think he’s descended from?

/Who does he think he’s descended from?
|
|Sheisty
|
\... And look, he even fixed the space bar

He’s even fixed the keyboard’s space bar
I can finish my book, and it will be great!
But hey, what the chimp wrote is pretty good
Better than anything I could create

Writers block has begun to afflict me
I have an idea I think you’ll enjoy
Let’s see if it works! You know what I’ll do?
To finish the book, the chimp I’ll employ

Sheisty returns to the chimp’s room, they fight, Sheisty lets the chimp knocks him out without much of a struggle. The chimp goes downstairs, pours some wine, sits at the computer and types. Sheisty awakens. The chimp brings a sandwich to Sheisty, goes back downstairs and types some more. Then the chimp opens a bottle of whiskey, picks up a cigarette and stares into space. Sheisty listens for the chimp’s typing, but hears nothing. He looks out the window.

I didn’t make noise, I let the beast work in peace!
At first he was typing almost all day
But now I can see him from the window
He’s down at the beach! Time’s passing away

/He’s down at the beach while time’s passing away!
|
|The Chimp
|
\ …I’m down at the beach, wasting more time today

Writers block has afflicted me, too
I’m smoking and drinking or just sitting here
Staring off into the distant horizon
I cannot finish this book, I fear

/I cannot finish this book I fear
|
|Sheisty
|
\… He cannot finish the book, that’s clear

I pound on the walls, I scream in frustration
Smoking and drinking, that’s my style, too!
Staring off into the distant horizon
When the muse takes her leave, that’s what I always do!

The Chimp

Smoking and drinking

Sheisty

That’s my style too

The Chimp

Staring off into

Sheisty

The distant horizon

The Chimp

When the muse takes her leave

Sheisty and the Chimp

What else can you do?

When the muse takes her leave
What else can you do?


Francais

So I picked up the manuscript
I had seen earlier
The one that was crumbled
Unformatted, stained

I turned to the last page
To see if it ended
But it just trailed off
And faded away …

The writer did not sign his name
Nor provide a return address
Who do you think could have written this book?
I can’t be sure, but I do have a guess

I can’t be sure, but I do have a guess.

Sheisty and the Chimp

How about you? Want to venture a guess?